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The problem is that children don't arrive with an owner's handbook. Which is tragic, really, since they are probably the most complex and difficult items that we ever need to manage. Even more tragic when you realize that parenting is the single most important job in the world - the fate of entire communities, nations and continents depends on the quality of parenting that the children receive. Most parents get by. Their kids grow up and also get by. They live average lives in average communities, and raise the next generation to do the same. But in an increasingly complex society, is that good enough? First, if average is average, then half the population are below average. We see the results of that all around us - crime, poverty, prostitution, homelessness, child abuse and so on. And we see the cycles of depravation repeated from one generation to the next. As ineffectual parents pass on their lack of skills to their children. Suppose, just for a moment, that we could do raise this general standard? Suppose that, before these damaged and deprived children, they could learn some new skills, new ways of understanding the parenting process so that they don't have to just repeat the mistakes of their own parents? Wouldn't that benefit us all in the long run? Second, in a multi-cultural, complex society we need ever better leaders. Men and women who are "whole" - not bogged down by insecurities, hurts and fears that result in corruption, hidden agendas and selfish ambition. We need leaders, in all areas of society, not just politics, who have a capacity for love, generosity, compassion and tolerance. From where do such qualities come? From growing up in secure, loving, and confident families, that's where. Third, look to your own family. Look at how you were raised. Most likely your parents did the best they could, yet I am sure you can see areas in which they failed - with resulting hurts and insecurities that have bogged you down for your entire life. You don't want to pass that on to your children, but are you really any better informed about the process of bringing up children than your parents were? But how can we teach them all that unless we ourselves have been taught? And if all that we have been taught comes solely from what our own, fallible, parents passed on, and from what we have, by chance, picked up from movies, TV, and our friends and neighbors, is it not surprising that the raising of our own children becomes a rather hit-and-miss affair? So why is it that the idea of getting some training as a parent is so repugnant to most people? Why is there such a social stigma to the idea of admitting that, when it comes to raising kids, we don't know it all? Isn't that just shear madness? In every other area of life we pay good money and invest many hours of time to get the training we need to learn new skills. Yet when it comes to raising our own children, we think we can just make it up as we go along? Most mothers, these days, take ante-natal classes to prepare for the birth of their new baby. Why? Because they want to give their baby the best chance of a safe and successful birth. But that was the easiest part! Far more difficult is knowing what to do with this child for the next 18 years! But no-one seeks preparation and training for that! Isn't it time that this changed? Isn't it time that we made a more deliberate, and systematic, effort to better equip parents with the parenting skills and advice they need? To bring it closer to home, take a look at your own life? If you have children, are you doing the best you can? How do you know you are? You don't know what you don't know, so if you have not had some teaching, how can you know that you are doing all you can to inspire and motivate your children? That you are adapting your behavior to match their temperament so as to best give them confidence and teach them responsibility? Wouldn't it be worth to spend a bit of time and money to read some books, attend a seminar, or watch a DVD so that you can understand them even better? And what are your children learning? How will they learn about child development, the formation of character, and the instillation of morals? The right, and wrong, way to use punishments and rewards so as to help, and not harm, their own children? It seems to me that something that crucial for the success of individuals and of society should be systematically taught in school, right alongside the other essentials for life, such as reading, writing and math. So, next time you watch the news and see yet another tragic shooting, murder, suicide or rape, ask yourself how different it might have been if that person's parents, and grandparents, had had some decent guidance on the challenging task of raising their kids? Then go and get yourself a parenting book. Read it. Discuss it with your friends. You might be amazed at what you discover!
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